Gain After Loss
by audrey.burton
Summary: Do I love him? Or more importantly, should I stop telling myself that I don't, that it was inevitable. The Girl On Fire finally loves the Boy With the Bread.


Haunting screams and the taste of sweat in my mouth wake me up for the third time in five days.

These nightmares feel endless.

It has been pretty stormy outside, well, for being late October. It seems like there will be thunder and lighting along with the occasional downpour which has been keeping me from my early-morning hunts in the woods. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Peeta has been quiet. I rarely see him out of his house but I do frequently see lights on, so that is a little reassuring. Not that I care, well I mean I care, but not in that way, not how I used to.

Haymitch is just drunk as always. Not a big surprise right there.

I sit up in bed and pry the sheets of my sweaty body, I'm debating on taking a shower, but seeing that it's 2:30 in the middle of the night I think I'll hold it off until the morning.

When I walk towards the window I can see that the skies are fairly cloudy but it has already began to rain. What I also notice is something standing directly across from my window.

As I look towards Peeta's house across from mine, I see a light on. And facing me is a silhouette with blonde hair and broad shoulders. At first, I don't realize what he is doing until it freeze in my tracks. He must be having a flashback.

I have only witnessed one before. I was walking home from hunting and Peeta was outside sitting the porch with a sketchbook and a pencil in hand. I was going to go say hi and invite him to dinner but when he looked up his eyes were pitch black. He immediately started yelling to me to run away and hide from him so I obeyed. It was scary and I was confused but after calling Dr. Aruellius he had explained to me some of the side effects of the hijacking. But, I was not at all ready to handle Peeta's hijacked side, again. And I thought I was… ever since I realized what he had done for me to help me through one specifically hard night.

It had been the one-year anniversary of my little sister's death. And at that moment, when I was crying in bed, I really did realized why Peeta planted the primroses for me. He wanted to protect me and guard me from any thoughts that may have over come me in the years to come. Because that is what he and I do, protect each other.

While snapping back out of dreamland, I immediately bolt out the door and fly down the stairs letting my muscle memory take over for the late night darkness. I don't really know what I'm doing or what I am going to say, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. All I know is that I want to help Peeta. Now.

As the crash through the front door of Peeta's house, (thankfully he doesn't generally lock the front door) I quickly climb up the stairs and up to his room. When I start ascending for the doorknob, it turns before I get the chance and standing before me is a boy with eyes as blue as the sky.

Without realizing it, I fly into his arms and hold on for dear life. At first he tenses up a bit but soon encircles me in his warm embrace.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper into his cotton shirt.

"For what?" He questions.

I pull away from our hug and he gets a questioned look on his face.

"Everything." I admit.

"I'm not following, if anything you should be mad at me." replies Peeta quietly.

"Why on earth should I be mad at you, you hav-" I start.

"I have been ignoring your nightmares! Tonight I debated going to see if I could help at all but when I looked to your house and saw you starting to scream, I kind of lost it. I couldn't move so I just looked down and clutched the window sill and hoped that you wouldn't see me, but it looks as if that plan didn't work." He says with a chuckle.

"Do you still love me?" I ask abruptly.

"I don't know, honestly. I think so. It's funny, I always sort have thought you were forced back here, and that you never really wanted to see me anymore, let alone anyone. But, I don't blame you. All I know is that I still have feelings… feelings that make me feel love, jealousy, anger, and confusion. Yes, maybe I still do love you. But, I need to make myself safe around you. I don't ever want to hurt you again." He says shamefully.

"I know that you won't hurt me." I say.

"I honestly don't think I have it in me either. But Katniss…" Peeta says slowly.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I just really want to play a part in your life again. I want to be the person that protects from nightmares, keeps you feeling safe, though I can't promise that everything will fall into place, I can promise that I will always love you no matter what. But, I have to know from you, is that the life that you want to?" He says with a glow in his eyes.

"I think I have an answer." I say awestruck by his truthfulness.

Before he says anything else, my lips go crashing into his. At first I feel his uneasiness, but he has to know that I do want this. A life… with him. And I don't know, maybe some kids along the way, but we will visit that idea some other day. As his muscles loosen up, I start to feel that thing again. That hunger eating away at my insides screaming to my brain, 'More, More, More!'

When we finally come up for air I try to say this as fast as I can to make it quick.

"I love you."

I can tell in that moment, the look in his eyes meant that he knew and was ready to love me back, unconditionally. Now no longer worlds apart, but two individuals that went through hell and back to try build themselves back up after being knocked down one to many times. And that against all odds, learned to love after having life taken away through two slips of paper.


End file.
